May We Let the Darkness Hold Us
A ritual for the Winter Solstice.
The Winter Solstice is (this Thursday) December 21st. The shortest day of the year. The longest night of the year. Midwinter. Here in the northern hemisphere, it’s the coldest, darkest time of year in terms of environment. We are forced indoors, and if we know what’s nourishing: we create an inner sanctuary in our home, with the other living beings that we are spending our time with that we love.
May we seize this opportunity to descend into the darkness of the year. To get the most out of this season of hibernation and integration. To let the darkness hold us.
Traditionally, we would gather around the hearth, the fire. A smaller version of the sun. Could be a reach, but this feels like the tread from which the “miniature” theme of the season is woven. Little kids, little dolls, little houses, little trinkets, and even, a little tree for the living room. During this season, sheltered inside, our whole world shrinks. Our focus becomes what is inside, what can be illuminated by our tiny suns (flames or bulbs.) This contraction inside and within, mirrors our experience of the sun condensed to only being visible ~30% of our day.
There is a lot of info about the Pagan traditions and origins, but I like to start the 12 Days of Christmas on the Solstice, which this year, will bring us to January 1st. During this portal of time, the dark-but-brighter-bit-by-bit days after the Solstice, the smallness and focus can create bigness: these 12 days as analogues for the 12 upcoming months. A lot of divination practices emerged during this period— our dreams get to be brighter and brighter and rise again, just like (you guessed it) the sun.
There are countless practices and rituals to explore, but my favorite one I learned of via the dear and delightful Danica Boyce— who, if you’re a fellow Euro-Pagan-ancestored one like me, I cannot recommend her work enough.
Using 12 different small pieces of paper, write 12 wishes for the upcoming year, one on each piece. Fold them up. Without looking, offer 1 piece of paper to the fire each night. On the final day, open the last wish: that one's up to you. The other wishes, these greater powers outside of yourself: your vibrant ancestors, the land spirits, gods/goddesses/deities—they take care of the other 11. This responsibility is revealed to you on about January 1st.
I did this last year and the piece of paper I opened up on January 1st said “a home for myself.”
I spent 2014-2022 in New York City and I had tremendous amount of stability there. I left amid a lot of personal changes in April 2022. I spent the following year accidentally nomadic. I didn't intend for it to be that way, that's just the way that it unfolded. I spent a little bit of time out on Long Island in New York, in Santa Fe, New Mexico, I went to Portland, Oregon for the summer, and ended up in Sedona in October. It added up to 4 states, 5 cities, and 10 homes. Forever and deeply grateful for those homes and folks and families who welcomed me so graciously. But of course: my housing situation was always changing, it was far from stable, and it absolutely rocked my root.
I got to Sedona and I knew I wanted to be here for a while— whatever that means. My friend and I started talking about living together. It felt exciting. As time went on, the more we talked about it, the less clear it became. Which is to say the more clear it became that that wasn’t the most aligned path. We braced and had the hard conversation where we shared that wasn’t actually what we wanted. Relief flooded the field. My truth flooded my body, and my truth was that I wanted to live alone.
As soon as the resonance rang throughout my body, all I heard was “I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.” I'd been out of the workforce since August 2021. A year and a half living extremely frugally and off savings, while I navigated some brutal truths about my life and a spiritual awakening. The thing to know about Sedona real estate is that even though this a spiritual haven, a lot of the property is owned by conservative Baby Boomers who don’t even live here, they just scooped up property during a lull in the market. All they want to see is Official Paperwork, like W2s and pay stubs. I figured I could string together a few more places until I had enough paperwork to please a landlord.
Another roommate situation came through that was equally exciting and I pivoted again. We found the perfect home, which fell through just as quickly as it had appeared. It felt like a gut punch. I had put way too much pressure on an external thing, and I had swallowed my truth to make room for pragmatism. Within minutes of receiving the communication that we didn't get the house, I dropped in with my ancestors and asked: “What what is going on? What is this?” I heard: “You want to live alone. It's possible. There's a way.” This dear woman— an-Auntie-like, surrogate mom figure— popped into my head. I called her and asked if she would be willing to be a cosigner on a lease? She said: “Of course, yes, absolutely, anything you need. I mean it.”
That was a huge re-patterning moment. Historically, it's been very difficult for me to ask for help—likely relatable. Here I was, tender and vulnerable, asking for help and was met with an emphatic YES.
With wind in my sails, I started looking and applying for a few places. A place appeared that happened to be the most affordable place I had seen in this whole process. I clicked the little “tell me more” button and within an hour a woman called me. I explained my situation. She answered the prayer I had been praying for: she couldn’t care less about any official paperwork if I was able to pay X amount of months upfront, if that was possible, a cosigner wouldn’t even be necessary!
From that moment, the ease of which the situation unfolded was unbelievable. Even to me, even though I was living it, and actively asked for it. Alignment is the ultimate logistical lube. I had been carrying the piece of paper from the soltice around in my cell phone case for the 3 months it took to do this. It now hangs on my wall.
I did this for myself, by myself. Because an ancient Pagan ritual urged me to take it into my own hands. Because I could. Because I wanted to. Because there is a healthy amount of pride and dignity in doing things ourselves. I'm absolutely one of those people that for most of my life, if not my entire life, had to do everything for myself, by myself because no one else could. Because there was no one else. Because I had a story no one else could do it as well as I could. Pure (percieved) control, pure fear, pure trauma response. This time, there was a choice: I had somebody who was willing and able to support and I chose to just do it myself. As soon as my system felt that there was that extra option, it flowed really easily.
So, under the cover of the darkness of the year: be bold enough to grant your own wishes.
You’re Invited…
I would also love to have you be a part of the Ignite Your Intuition: An Initiation into the Mysteries of Mediumship cohort, we begin in January.
This is a 3-month hybrid group and 1:1 mystery school cohort. Join a group of folks who are remembering their innate ability to harness their intuition to communicate with their ancestors as well as our other-than-human kin. It’s a beautiful way to anchor into the New Year, after the joy & chaos of the holidays.
Together we will explore communicating with the unseen, creativity, ritual, altars, animism, boundaries, somatic, and energetic hygiene. You can read more here.
Let me know if you have any questions, happy to get on a call to walk you through the invitation.
I’ve just opened up a new offer to share with you: Mediumship readings!
Ancestral Mediumship is a form of connection and communication with the human dead. By allowing a connection with these Beings images, feelings, and messages can be transmitted to the living via the medium (me.)
Ancestral mediumship is a form of mediumship that focuses on asking questions and receiving answers from the field of consciousness from a clients ancestors of blood and bone.
A session can offer views and solutions in a way that is nurturing, loving, and with your specific destiny in mind. Other times, it can be a tender and powerful moment of reconnection with a loved one who has passed. Book a session here.
Wishing you and yours peace, rest, and love ❤️🔥