Eclipsing Spring
Today, on this blessed Spring Equinox, I’m in a place that doesn’t know spring.
A place that is balanced, somehow, even in its signature wildness: next to a river, on a jungle mountainside.
Right now, it’s pitch black— even though it’s only minutes after 6pm. The evenings stretch on and on and my body senses it’s the edge of winter, but it was 82º and sunny, and will be again tomorrow.
When I arrived in Costa Rica 2 weeks ago, I was thrust from winter straight into summer. It was disorienting. My East-Coast winter-pale skin a telltale sign that I was a time traveler. That I skipped the middle. I went to the beach a few days after arrival and met up with a sister who lives here full time, she frowned and pushed her finger into my chest: “Be careful! You’re so pale!”
Last year when I returned to the East Coast after a bit in the high desert of Sedona, I promised myself that if that was where I was this spring, I’d skip March & April. Opt-ing out of a New England spring. Somewhere only warm and sunny. It’s great to be the author of your own story.
Something in me finally clicked, after really complaining and confusing the chaos of eclipse season with spring. Turns out, spring is not the issue, it’s the planetary journey through the void that is difficult for me.
So here— where spring is a concept, not an embodied experience—I am experiencing eclipse season à la carte. In a different place, from a different place.
I feel the completions, I feel the storms brewing. What needs to die? How can I give it a proper funeral instead of over-couple death with something wrong?
Death is never wrong. There is never a wrong, or therefore a right, time to die.
I feel rooted and steady for the incoming ruptures. The dizziness of timelines appearing, shifting, or disappearing feels neutral, or maybe even pleasant.
Which is different. After years of sludging through trauma therapy, my nervous system is shifting. I’m no longer only moving though the world in a constant trauma response. I have returned to an endless, inner resource.
Join me live on Monday at 12p pacific/ 3p eastern for 50 Shades of Gold
Get your ticket here.
